20perfectdays

Life after NICU and losing my baby girl

Simply perfect

on 02/24/2012

Today I was going through my newsfeed like I always do. Checking on my fellow ACD parents, friends, and everyone else and saw a link to a free ebook. Wanting to check it out and see how accurate it was, I downloaded it. I actually just finished reading it and I can give only high praises that someone finally wrote it all down, what you should say and do to help a friend who has lost a baby. There are so many great things about this ebook. Tips on how to help out, what not to say, how to handle things, and resources to help out. I even saw something I would love to have. Some thing that I have wanted since I had to walk out of those NICU doors for the last time. A weighted stuffed animal. Weighted to the exact same weight as your baby.

This book is just perfect. A quick read that gives ideas on how to handle things and gives insight into how a babyloss momma is dealing with things. I really wish I had known about it sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have so many people telling me that I’m a nasty person or that I’m always angry. Seems people forget, I’m GRIEVING. I guess I’m supposed to be over it by now. Show yourself to the door if you think that I’m drawing this out.

One last thing before I close this up.

If you don’t like what I put on here, click that little X in the upper right corner. This is my BLOG. Its my therapy. Its how I’m trying to deal with everything I’m going through. Do I tell you how to do things? Do I tell you how to think? Do I come on your blog and tell you that you are wrong? That you getting things out in the open so that you can move on is wrong? I try to have respect for others and their blogs, but I can’t seem to get that myself. But I suppose that makes me selfish and I’m trying to make it seem like I’m the only person to have ever lost a child. I KNOW I’m not the only one. Does that mean that the thoughts, hopes, dreams, and emotions tied to my dead baby mean nothing? NO. It means the world to me. I have NEVER compared my experiences with anyone else. I’ve shared what helped me in hopes that they find comfort that I did, but I never belittled their feelings. I’ve never told someone that they are taking their grief too far. EVER. I’ve never told someone that they’ve changed because of what they’ve gone through. I don’t have that authority. I know that they’ve changed. Their whole life was thrown in the air, left to hit the ground in whatever fashion. Their family dynamic has been destroyed. They’ve lost so much when that little heart stopped beating. Why can’t I get that in return?

Don’t bother commenting, I’m not going to approve it. I’m tired of being torn a new one because I don’t totally agree 100% and have the exact same thought process as someone else. Its pretty stupid when I can be super close friends with a group of people I’ve never met in person (all with different religions, beliefs, family dynamics, thought processes, parenting ideas, etc) and we all maintain a level of respect, but I have people that were around me all the time way back when telling me that I’m wrong because I disagree and I’m going to state that I disagree. Great example. I have a friend who lives on the east coast. We both lost babies (very early miscarriages), we both have toddlers (I believe her daughter is less than a month younger than Anthony), we both were pregnant around the same time with #2 (her baby was born about 4 months before Bailey), we hardly ever see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Politics, religion, parenting, EVERYTHING. And yet, we maintain respect for each other, don’t call each other names or insult each other’s intelligence. We don’t pull dirty punches with each other. Imagine that. I get along with someone who doesn’t have the exact same ideas and beliefs. Hmmm…I’m sensing an issue. But I’m cutting through the crap. Agree with me or not. The comments that rip into me aren’t going to be approved. This is MY space to get things off my chest. I don’t care if you don’t like it. Not your blog.

Anyway, here is the link to the Ebook. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

http://m.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fcorashopesanddreams.org%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F02%2Fbabylossebbok.pdf&h=CAQGnxKOA

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One response to “Simply perfect

  1. Becca Michael says:

    People are telling you how you’re SUPPOSED to feel? About losing your BABY?!?!?!? Like, not only are they not sypathizing with you about such a horrid experience, but actually telling you how you’re supposed to be reacting?

    Honestly. Keep calling them out on it. Nobody needs “friends” like that (Lord knows I lost a few so-called “friends” during our NICU stay), and I’m glad you can make connections with people who are more respectful of your family’s experience.

    You know this, but I’m glad we met. Grieve as long as you need to and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Bailey will always be part of your family!!

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