Life after NICU and losing my baby girl

Update and I really need to blow off steam

on 01/24/2013

So, things have been going REALLY well with this pregnancy. All tests have come back within the range they should, nothing has been found (a low lying placenta that moved out of the way was the most worrisome thus far, I’m NOT complaining one bit!!), and the news like that keeps rolling in. After each appointment, I start really believing that we can bring this baby home and keep it! I’m getting really excited to start working on that nursery and get things put together.

We just had a follow up scan done today and baby is measuring right on and even ahead in some ways. Baby is about 2# 5oz and sitting in the 70th%. The tech told us we are basically right on track to have another 8# baby. I have NO problem with that. And seeing that beautiful face in 3d was icing on the cake. This baby looks JUST like Anthony and Bailey! I couldn’t be happier that things are going so well. We are really blessed to this point.

Anthony is almost fully potty trained. I don’t know how it happened, but Adam told Anthony that if he went poop on the potty, he could have ice cream. And it worked! And there have been a few accidents since, but they are very rare. Now to work on overnights. Anthony really wants to wear undies to bed, but we tried that one night and it didn’t work out. We were sad, but we know he’ll get there when he’s ready. He is waking in the middle of the night to go pee and almost always he’s wanting to go back to his own bed unless it was something that scared him (nightmares have been a bit of a problem lately), then he wants to sleep with us. We really try to take him back to bed, but there are days when you can tell he’s just too freaked out and its easier on everyone to just let him snuggle in and feel he’s safe again. Most of the time, he’s back out SUPER fast and we can all get a good rest in. He’s even getting better about sharing our bed.
Tonight, he asked we do a monster in the closet check. I don’t know if it has anything to do with some shows talking about the child being scared of something in their room, the book we read (“Good Bye Mom and Dad”) and checking for monsters, or what. He’s been talking about monsters in closets. We did a check and he seemed to really like knowing that there wasn’t anything in there but boxes of clothes that don’t fit him anymore.
He’s also made some HUGE strides in other ways. He’s forward facing in all vehicles (this happened around christmas and he’s LOVING it!) and now likes helping direct us where to go (to the store, target, or where ever else) and he’s gotten very good at telling us when to stop, slow down, and go based on the color of the lights ahead of us. I’m so glad that he’s finally hit the weight that we all feel its best to flip him around. He’s been bouncing between 32 and 33# and is fully out of 2t stuff. Makes me so sad. He doesn’t have much for 3t, but we are working on that. He’s got a longer torso, so even some 3t stuff isn’t long enough to cover the belly. But he’s still as skinny as a rail, so adjustable waist is the ONLY way we can put him in something that fits right. He got to help Adam and me make snow men with the snow that fell back in December. He loves playing outside. This little goofball LOVES building snow men, throwing snow balls, shovelling, and exploring outside when its cold and white. You really have to get creative to get him back inside before his face is totally red. The first time I stuck him in his stuff, he screamed bloody murder. After he realized what was up, he knew that getting that prepared to go outside was for a great reason. Adam and I have gotten to have a blast outside too. I can’t wait until this cold snap is over so we can get out and play more.
Anthony has also totally dropped his scheduled afternoon nap. Now, if he naps, he crashes out for about an hour, but he isn’t told to go lay down in bed or anything like that. Many times, its us snuggling on the couch under his favorite down blankie and we both crash out. I think that scheduling his naps was starting to effect his sleep at night, so now its on an as needed basis. Its also unleashed a whole new kid. This kid throws tantrums to end all (Lord, I’m sorry I EVER complained about terrible twos!!), but he’s also gotten SUPER creative. He’s gotten several Duplo sets and he’s a tower building fiend. He’s building a new one each day and loves asking you to help, but he ends up doing it all himself (we are working on sharing better, but its a long road) and shows such pride in showing off what he did. Even says “I did it!” and I can’t help but smile. He also has started singing (and I mean really singing!) and dancing when he hears music he knows. Its the cutest thing ever and we are always pushing him to learn the words better, learn a little more of the next verse, and to keep practicing. He doesn’t like being the center of attention, but still loves being a ham. His language skills are also exploding. He’s forming full sentences, holding conversations, and expressing himself fully without melting down or resorting to grunts and whines. It really will throw you off when he comes running up and says “I’m big and strong! GRR!” and flexes his pipes. I just can’t stop being amazed at the things he says. For example, Adam was trying to get Anthony to pay attention in music class and Anthony whipped around and said “Sit down, papa!”. Such a pill sometimes!

Things have taken a HUGE step backward when it comes to Bailey. We had assumed that 18 months ago, her sample was sent to Baylor to get put into their system and to get whatever answers we could. Turns out, that’s not the case. I was first blaming Baylor because we knew we signed the papers and not hearing ANYTHING back from them, they MUST be the guilty party, right? NO. Turns out that the sample was never sent. They are making it sound like we refused the sample being sent. Adam and I remember that conversation that took place after Bailey died. We refused autopsy, but we consented to send the sample and signed that sheet. We find out tomorrow what REALLY is going on. Stupid thing is, no matter what, they aren’t looking at anything dealing with the genetic research part of the ACD research. That genetic part is done. So if we want her sample to get checked for genetic markers, we have to pay. Does it make sense to anyone? Apparently, we need to babysit other adults who’s ENTIRE JOB is making sure these papers are taken care of and samples are sent. I thought we were responsible adults. Guess that was a mistake on our part to not be on top of them and nag them to make sure it was done. Biggest issue about this is that knowing the answer to “Are we a genetic case of ACD or not?!?” means that either we are and our kids have a 1 in 4 chance of having ACD or we aren’t a genetic case and the chances of this happening again are a snowball’s chance in hell. But, we find out more details on that tomorrow.

We are fully settled into the house and still working on getting boxes worked from the garage into the house, but we got to put up our tree for the first time since 2009. So exciting and Anthony LOVES helping decorate for the holidays. He gets to help with the gel clings on the windows and got a section of the tree to hang his own ornaments. He loved this and had the hardest time leaving the tree alone. It was worth it.

We have also started decorating even more. We’ve pulled storage options in and have started putting photos out on display. It makes it all feel even more like home.

Now if only whatever garbage I’ve been sick with for nearly 2 months straight and the house looks like it. I’m struggling to get it back under control. One bit at a time. I really hope to have it back to where it was before hand quickly. We have some minor house repairs going on in the coming week and it would be helpful to get it done soon. Nothing too major, just enough to be a pain in the behind.

I can’t wait to feel better and start really decorating the nursery. Its going to be so much fun setting things up and getting it all personalized. Couldn’t do that in an apartment!


One response to “Update and I really need to blow off steam

  1. Cindy says:

    So glad things are going well.

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